dreams

I have been teaching since I was 16. First I taught piano, to children and adult, and the two things that I learned by doing that were: (1) patience, and (2) that's not what I want to do for the rest of my life! Then I was a French tutor for a while, and although I enjoyed explaining things to the students, I was also frustrated by the fact that I never really saw the same students twice and worked along with them through their learning process. Teaching French 201 to a whole class, first as an assistant and then as the main teacher, was something that I feared (probably because of my mean and strict supervisor) but that I loved from day one! I loved the connection I had with most of my students, the fact that I saw their progress, their questions, their desire to learn, and their enthusiasm. I believe that I was an extremely good teacher, especially during that first semester, and when outsiders started to tell me to change this or that, I lost my enthusiasm and my "inner fire" a little, and things didn't always go as well afterwards. Still. I loved it.

It is strange how I can discover several times how much I love to teach, as if it were the first time! When I first started teaching ESL to community students, I fell in love not only with ESL but also with my students. I learned about their lives, their sadness, their hopes, their hard jobs, their immigration problems, their children. I shared my knowledge and my fears too, my enthusiasm for English and my difficulties as an immigrant, and for years later, kept in tough with those students whose faces and names I still remember as if I had seen them yesterday. Those students, although "community" students, that is, students of all levels of English proficiency, of very low economic backgrounds, with poor, if not nonexistent educational levels, where far better than the English-speaking, college-going students I have had since then. Those students knew the importance of learning, the price of life, and the value of friendship. I wish I could still teach them today.

I then taught ESL to "rich kids," adults and young adults who were paying a lot to get a great, full-time, legal, education at an Intensive English Program. These students wanted to get better jobs, higher salaries, or they wanted to pass the TOEFL to go to North American colleges and universities. It strikes me, as I think about it now, that we called those students "rich" because they could afford something that the community students could not, but many didn't have a much better life than those community students and made great sacrifices to pay for their education. I remember in particular this one man, from Brazil, who told me that he was a lawyer in his country, but who was cleaning the school's bathrooms at night to be able to survive in the United States. When I would hear such stories, I knew that I just HAD to be the best teacher in the world because I didn't want to waste a cent those students had paid for their education! And they knew it. They knew that I gave all I had, that I cared about them, that I knew when they had a bad day, that I remembered their birthday, that I didn't punish them for not doing their homework when their kids had been sick all night, that I laughed with them, and cried with them. I organized "international parties" at my house every semester, where students would bring food and music from their countries, I would make them crepes, and we would have the best time in the world!

I am not saying that everything was fun and peachy. There were days when I didn't know how to respond to their challenges or my own difficulties in life. I was sometimes tired, they were sometimes discouraged, I was sometimes frustrated because the richest and youngest of them didn't want to be there (and had been sent by their parents), and they were sometimes overwhelmed with culture shock and anxiety. They also sometimes cared more about learning for the test than learning for learning's sake, but that was only the case with higher level students, and even then, not always. I did have a few challenging classes and students, moments of doubts and moments of weariness, but overall, I just loved it! I felt valued, respected, loved, appreciated, and I know that I made a difference. I could tell of the day my students offered me 24 roses, or when I called NASA to get information about gravity when we read this book about Einstein, and that day when that "macho" student presented his project and started crying because it had touched him so much, and so many other stories.

Teaching ESL at the university level was yet another one of those moments when I realized that I love to teach. At times, I felt like the mother of those students, and even though I had to remind myself that I was in fact not their mother, I still believe that the way I cared about my students is what allowed me to have such a wonderful year--and ultimately get two teaching awards. I invested a lot of time and energy into my teaching, and didn't think of it as yet-another-job but instead as yet-another-opportunity-to-help-people-who-need-my-help. This sounds cheesy, I know. But I remember talking to one of the teachers at my first IEP, at the end of my first semester. I said "this semester has been absolutely wonderful, and I have enjoyed it as much as possible, because I know that in a few semesters, I'll just be tired of teaching, my students won't be as great at those I had this semester, and my job will become boring." But the truth is, two years later I still loved my students and had an amazing relationship with them, even when other teachers had the hardest time with them. And four years later, I still love my students. Of course, there are difficult or boring semesters, times when I am not prepared enough, days when my school work just doesn't allow me to be the best teacher ever, as well as students who don't care about anything. But overall, it's been about 16 years since I've started teaching, and I love it, even a lot more than I did 16 years ago!

While teaching ESL, I loved:
- International students and people of all backgrounds
- Small-size classes
- The respect and encouragements I got from other teachers and the administration
- The fact that everyone knew everyone
- The strong desire to learn of the students
- Great facilities and excellent working conditions
- The freedom to organize great activities but also TOEFL review sessions and practice tests for the whole school
- The flexibility I had with my supervisors' directions and recommendations
- The small way I could grow (without pressure) and change things if I wanted them to change, and make a difference
- An institution which, at the time, was sincerely concerned about helping the students succeed (and not just getting the best ranking in the nation).

What I think makes me a great teacher (sometime):
- I am a natural-born public speaker
- I love to share my knowledge of just anything
- I love to learn from my students. I think I learn as much from them as I teach them and the students know that
- I have traveled a lot and speak different languages
- I think I could be enthusiastic teaching anything, not just languages. I just taught a few basic ideas about statistics to my students and I had to be careful not to give them a full lecture on that!
- I like to be challenged by tough questions. I don't always know the answer and I'm not afraid to say so, but I will find the answer
- I don't take bullshit from anyone
- I love to improve my teaching from semester to semester. Sometimes something didn't work well once and I love to think of new techniques, new ideas, and new ways to present things so they make more sense and are easily understood and learned
- I am very patient
- I can take a boring thing that was given to me and transform it into a great activity
- I am very strict but know when to make exceptions and my students know that I'm fair
- I can explain the reasons behind things so that my students know why they're doing something and know how they'll be able to use it later
- I work with every student individually, with his/her strengths and weaknesses, and I take into account personal stories, educational levels, language backgrounds, immediate challenges, etc.
- I care about my students not just as my students but also as individuals. I ask them about other classes, about life, about the stuff they like, about their opinions, and I enjoy the conversations
- When I'm in front of my students, I never doubt myself. That includes the right to make mistakes, not know everything, laugh at myself, and let my students know all that and respect me for that

What I would love in the future:
- Work with international students and staff
- Work at a small institution where things are not buried in the administration
- Have some responsibilities to organize activities, write curriculum, and make decisions for more than just me
- Be able to have a flexible schedules so that my heath doesn't become a problem
- Teach different things often, so I don't get bored
- Have some time to write for myself, just because I like to write
- Not have too much pressure to publish but still be able to make a difference outside of the institution
- Be supported and even encouraged by the administration so I can continue to learn, go to conferences, organize workshops
- Get enough money and benefits so that I don't have to worry about it constantly
- Have the opportunity to travel, work abroad for a while
- Always know that I make a difference
- Work in a place (institution, city, country) that values education, culture, languages, and knowledge
- Love my job and have the flexibility to change it (or me) if I don't like it anymore
- Work with people who also love their job
- Have the opportunity to work in teams but also on my own, to make my own decisions
- Have the time to do things that are important to me (read, play music, write, travel, etc.).

(This post was inspired by bitchphd's post on the same subject).