f..k!

this idea started to germinate into my brain this morning and tonight it's taken all the space... and there was a LOT of empty space to take so it's bothering me a LOT!

i can't be rational. i can't be reasonable. i can't make such a decision all by myself.

i can't make this decision at all! that's not even an option!!!! so why is it in my head like that? why does it seem so obvious? godness, i HATE to have to think about this.