lonely
it's a strange feeling. i am so well taken care of and supported by the teachers and advisors and everyone here... and at the same time, i feel like i'm completely alone with my research, that no one cares about what i'm doing, how i'm doing it, or if things are going well or not. i know it's mean to say that, i'm sure someone cares if i'm doing things well or not, but since no one knows exactly what i'm doing, it's hard to tell. at the same time, even my advisor doesn't know how i'm supposed to do it all, so i'm on my own. yeah, it's weird. all i can say is that i feel lucky my advisor is such a supporting person because if she weren't, things would be even harder.
so i've collected TWO questionnaires this morning from one class... hopefully i'll get more from the other classes... i'm right in the middle of distributing questionnaires to some classes and collecting them from other classes, it's kind of complicated and stressful, but hopefully, by the end of next week, i'll have 30 questionnaires or so and that should be enough to verify their validity and reliability. things are going somewhere. i don't know where yet, but they are, and it's a good feeling.
getting ready for tesol in a week, this is very scary! i said i would agree to become CHAIR of the caucus if i could get a vice-web-manager to work for me on some of the websiste stuff because i can't do it all. i know i have A.'s support, and problably L.'s support too, but i don't think i'll have B.'s, i don't think he trusts me that much... and i don't think anyone would get any position without HIS blessing. we'll see. as usual, i kinda want it and don't want it at the same time, so whatever happens will be for the best.
posted by Lucie @ 11:57 AM
7 commentaires
7 commentaires:
I completely understand how you feel, except maybe more so emotionally. I came from a school with about 20 graduate students, total. After class (or even for class) we'd go out for beers with the instrutors. Here at Purdue, becuase of all of the research and publications on top of personal lives that people have to stress about, I think grad students are pretty low on the totem pole (and no, it's not mean; it's just reality). It was a shock for me, emotionally. But then I see people who've been at Purdue 30 years or more without tenure, which boggles my mind. I don't know. I can't concretize/clarify what I want to say and I could go on forever. Just don't feel alone in your aloneness :o)
hi alice, thanks for stopping by :) well it's good to know that i'm not THAT alone... but it's still sad that some of us do feel this way.
it's even worse for me because i'm in my first year and i'm interested in about 5 areas of study! ah well. i've added you to the ring. thanks for signing up! i've been finding it hard to get an audience for my site, so i hope this will help. i think you can link to the ring, too, on blogger. there's also a great ring called progressive women's blog ring that you might be interested in.
well i was thinking that maybe you could have a ring for the grad students in english, not just in lit... because i'm not really in lit to tell the truth... but i think you had a great idea! so maybe more people would sign up if it was open to more students. just an idea :)
you're absolutely right. i just changed it. thank you!!!!
There was a English grad students web ring for a while that Karl Stolley put together. It died with few noticing.
This idea of being alone... you should just be aware that finishing a dissertation is a strange combination of solitude (notice I didn't say loneliness) and community. You might want to consider what Thomas Merton or Henri Nouwen have to say about community and solitude if this is a burinng issue.
Ah, loneliness--my only steadfast friend. It has been a big part of writing my dissertation. Yeah, you certainly aren't alone in your aloneness. Luckily, I am almost finished with it, but it has been a very broad learning experience, about life, everything. Anyway, vive la dissertation!
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