fear and loathing in lafayette

if i want to defend my prospectus by the end of the semester, i have about 4 weeks left to finish up the writing! i'm doing ok, i just sent my 4th draft to margie. i think that now i need to concentrate on the lit. review, because the rest seems pretty clear.

i started looking at schools in canada, esl, french, whatever. i found this page which is wonderful! but thinking about having to write letters to all those schools to ask them if they have job openings scares me. just like thinking about what's actually AFTER the prospectus defense. how do people manage? how do they not feel overwhelmed and scared to death?

until now, i had smaller hoops to go through... classes to take, the prelims, the prospectus... but now that the end of the prospectus is near, i feel like i'm not ready to jump into the REAL BIG thing, the LAST thing, la fin de la fin. nah ok, so then there's the job finding process... ok... i should stop thinking about that because that's even scarier than writing the dissertation.

i'm sick... don't know if it's the food i ate while silvia was here for the conference (that's when it started) or if it's fear... but i feel like i've a ton of stones in my stomach and at the same time, i constantly want to eat, but every time i do, it gets worse. great!

dad said: write 10 pages for 30 days and you're done :) haha. he also said: go to canada if that's what you want. that's what i want.