not good

i created a website for the iawe 2005 conference... and at the last minute, also sent a proposal written in 10 minutes for a presentation on a topic i have NO CLUE about and i just made it up praying that i wouldn't get it... and now it looks like it's the main topic of the conference and that i'll be one of the featured speaker or something... damned!

am NOT ready for the catesol presentation. i read the abstract i sent to get an idea what i needed to prepare... hahah... no clue what to do and how to do it, and the conference is in 2 weeks...

thank goodness i have nothing to present at tesol in a month... but i got the info from the people who are candidates for the vice-president position and it's ugly. there're 4 people, including me, who did NOT apply but was nominated, and the other people present themselves like highly professional and pretentious people (i'm the first one who said this, i published that, i've been doing this for 35 years...) and crazy goals for the caucus (i'm going to save the world, i'm going to make all the nonnative speakers in the world famous and happy...), and i'm feeling really DUMB with my retarded biographical statement (i'm a phd student and have published nothing) and my retarded goals (i'm going to help the other leaders of the caucus and increase membership...)... so basically, there are 4 candidates, 2 of them who are well known (one because she IS quoted in every single paper related to nonnative speakers and me because i'm the webmanager of the thing), and only 1 who's been super active in the caucus: ME! who would you vote for? someone you've never heard of, someone you've quoted 500 times in your paper but never actually seen or heard, or someone you've heard and seen everywhere and all the time? dammit!!!!